There's not much that makes me sadder than realising a friendship isn't worth saving. I've always thought my exhusband was always my best friend, but this last year I've finally seen he never was any kind of friend to me at all. I have ended friendships with one betrayal, how could I have borne so many from him? And be willing to bear more?
The truth is, life is not scary and hard when I'm alone. It is peaceful and joyful, and the life I would have sought sooner if I'd known it existed. I adore my couches and my farty dogs and my 'beer fridge' filled with water and strawberries. I love that my children call and tell me their good news first, and that it takes so long for them to even remember to tell their dad. Most of the time he wouldn't know anything unless I told him. And I won't anymore. He takes so much for granted, and he treats me like a nuisance when I call. So he's on his own with them from now on. No more help from me.
I'm learning not to lean on anyone, and it's about damn time.
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